Last year, we took my (then) 4-year-old to see Spider-Man: Homecoming. A lot of people find this surprising - it's rated PG-13, there's violence, wasn't it too scary... etc - we can talk about that later. It's for a different post. No, I'm here to talk about that scene when a teacher walks into the computer lab to find Ned (Spidey's friend) on the computers rather than enjoying himself at the dance (It's called Spider-Man: Homecoming - they're at the homecoming dance - I feel like this probably isn't a spoiler). The teacher asks him what he's doing, and Ned answers, "I'm looking at porn." My child took this moment to ask, rather loudly, in the darkened theater, "What's porn?" (This got about as many laughs as Ned's line.)
When we got home, we took the opportunity to touch on the sex-talk again.
Me: Remember we talked about how babies are made? Well, that's a form of sex. Sex usually involves people touching and doing things with other people's private parts. Porn is movies or pictures of people having sex.
Kid: Do you and Papa have porn of you having sex? Can I see it?
Me: No, we don't have porn of us. Why would you want to see that?
Kid: Cuz I want to watch you guys make a baby.
Me: Ahh, okay, well I can understand why you think it'd be interesting to watch people make a baby, but remember when I said sex happens with people's private parts? Well, I don't feel comfortable with you looking at my private parts, and Papa isn't either. Our private parts are special. I love Papa very much, but it's a different sort of love than what I have for you. It's the type of love that makes me want to make babies and have sex with him. Do you want to look at other people's private parts? Do you want to watch them have sex?
Kid: No! Ew!
Me: Yeah, then porn isn't really something you should look at. As you get older, we can talk about this again, okay?
Oh, I panicked a little when he asked to see my husband and I having sex. I figured before I freaked out too badly I should ask why he wanted to see it. He had been obsessed with me having another baby, and he had said before how "magical" (his word) it would be to watch a baby be made.
It's amazing how he viewed it through a most wondrous and innocent eyes.
But that was it. It was that easy. It was that simple, and then it was done.